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A few years before I met John, during a trip to Texas, I attended a dinner that included my college friend Blaine.

I had adored her for more than 20 years, but then, everyone adores Blaine; she is serenely beautiful and poised, and I had never felt indispensable to her as I do with more difficult friends.

When I came out, the prevailing view was that I was shortsightedly choosing sexual fantasies over producing a family.

I was encouraged by my parents and the world to marry a woman and procreate.

Though not especially close to them, he had agreed, signing legal documents in which he foreswore paternal rights and they foreswore claims to support.

He had offered to be in the child’s life to the extent he was able, if the child so wished, but in deference to Tammy’s position as adoptive mother, he had so far remained uninvolved.

”A lawyer laid out the advantages of having one woman provide the egg and another the womb, so that neither would have full claim as mother, and we began the blind-dating egg hunt.I nearly backed out but felt I couldn’t renege on my word, based on a wish I could likewise not forsake.John, whose benevolence invariably triumphs, finally relented, and Blaine and I conceived through IVF.I would be involved in an ongoing, profound relationship with Blaine that he feared would lethally triangulate our own.I did not know how hard it is to reinvent family, and he could not envision how fulfilling this particular reinvention might be.

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